Written from a wheelchair.

"Life is not always easy and some people must endure more tragedy than others. Nevertheless, if a person accepts his life as it is and makes the best of it, he'll find that life is really worthwhile."- Arlene E. Gilbert, my grandmother.

Retribution or Redemption

Dear little bumblebee
You've slipped through my fingers
It's okay, for I can see
That you need me to linger

I will stay awhile more
And keep you safe from threats
Yet keep in mind, you sting me once
And you will pay your debt

For What?

Apologies are for sorry people

Break free from broken words

Desperation for validation

Slows the quality of communication

Let actions become heard

Like an April wind storm blown

Speech can over take us

But true to every fired gun

No words can undo tables spun

Silence is what kills us

Former Friends Fading Fast

Hate has grown in my heart

For everything you do and say

It was everything I had

And you just threw it away

I can see it in your eyes

Shows itself in what you say

Materialized in all my tears

But it fades day by day

Cognizant of nothing now

My absence is what you will pay

Sense Solid Sensations

I can taste your passion

Grazing across my tongue

The flavor is your gentleness

Drinking love songs sung

Pouring from your mouth to mine

Savor being young

I can see your passions

Dancing through the air

Warmth from across the room

Created through a stare

A glimpse into my happiness

Just because you're there

Hurry Home

In the distance the sound of a rooster waking is heard. The sound of his cry echoes in an omnipresent sort of way, reassuring me that the day, in fact, has begun. Whether or not he is happy about it has been the debate for some time. At that very same moment, a male cardinal leaps up into a batch of bird seed laid out especially for him, in feeder erected like that of an alter. I watch him as he does a nervous dance for food, making me wonder if he ever truly gets a break from the impeding danger of being a bird. I understand his plight when an orange feline springs from the bushes and lands at my feet. I look up to find the bird as he wants me to see him, gone. I second guess his presence and wonder if he was ever there.

It is silent. Leaves dance a soft waltz until hitting the ground without a sound. The lion next to me sleeps, not caring if I or anyone else is there to notice. This is comforting for me, for in this moment it is my desire to be unnoticed, transcended past solitude. Self-reliance is my breakfast, energized by a bold black coffee growing cold in the winter air. The sun has little hope of breaking through the clouds today, yet there is an odd purplish hue casting light on the blanket of browns and reds covering the grass.

The air is heavy and carries a robust smell of wood through the yard, hitting me between the eyes and embedding in my thoracic cavity. I seem to be anchored to the steps in which I sat so freely on minutes ago. There is an exhale of responsibly translating into white clouds of breathe fading quickly into the morning. A lady bug has made camp on the leg of my pants and I admire her audacity. The Lady would surely make home of where it pleases, and where ever she may be.

The rooster crows for the third time, and I take this as a sign of biblical proportions. I retreat into the dwelling that I will, for now, call my home.

Write for You

Liberation in syrupy words

Dripping from your mouth

Leisurely falling in my soul

Pushing my heart south

Harvesting Identity

Liberation in narrowed eyes

Painted for my own

Blind to all iniquity

Healing sorrow sown

Cultivating all of me

Liberation in a smile

Sly, yet not too guarded

You may give it to the world

But, I will keep it shielded

Promising fidelity

Here, Little Bumble Bee

Here, little bumble bee

Let us play with fire

In the flames, there I will see

What's your true desire

For I cannot foresee

Or direct your passions

And I long to be with thee

In an earnest fashion

Here, little bumble bee

Please do not deceive me

It's too far for me to flee

You've begun to scare me

Will you use your stinger

And lay me to my waste

Or am I the ring leader

The master of the pace

As you draw in nearer

My eyes will open wide

And I will see you clearer

And I will then decide

It will then, be too late

And I will not be free

I will surely learn my fate

For dealing with the bee

Visage User

Face of sunshine and honesty

Painted from the heart

I looked at you with faithful clarity

Beginning at the start

Before I noticed the disguise

I built you up an alter

Gazing with my child eyes

You began to falter

Your sweet smile did not bode

Of a swift rejection

All the faithfulness I sowed

Smoldered by imperfection

From our time you birth disgrace

But yet my heart will tremble

Did you really change, sweet face

Or is my heart just fickle

Bonfire

Our guilt brings us conscience

Shame feeds a flame

Heat from wicked hearts

Burning in the blame

Guilt pushes toward forgiveness

Shame towards despair

Doesn't matter who you are

Or even why you're there

Guilt is a reflection pool

Shame lacks veracity

But we always feel our shame

At our heart's capacity

Pleading to a Childhood Lost

Swaying are the memories now

Falling are we to no set tempo

Push me into relief and carelessness

Blissful moments sweet and far

Distant and current

Relevant and childish

Calm me with outburst of joy

And linger

Pause our swirling adolescent whirlwind

Relieve me of maturity 's burden

Let us drift into unforeboding times

And sing

With syrupy voice and honest timbre

Seep into my core through my ears

Your life harmonizing mine with delicate accents

Freeing me with swift mercies

Cunning is a crafty cadence

Mistakenly we create regret

Love and loss for one another

Far from swinging with my brother

Sorry is What Sorry Gets

I am calm and sturdily set

Projected are my burdens

Relieved myself of all regret

Forgave all my transgressions

I recognize your emotions

But I plunge into salvation

Drifting from annihilation

Birthing in me, self respect

Sanitizing my sanity

Solution is to neglect

Opening up opportunity

Value in authenticity

Pushing for validity

Swimming for reality

Neutral, Natural, Needs improvement.

I keep attempting to keep my life in the neutral. There are so many issues that are coming to the for front of our society. Each one of theses issues require decisions to be made. Each one of theses issues push you to a battling side, a left or a right. They concrete us into a mold, where only then can we scream in unity, “I AM INDIVIDUAL”. We, as a society, only feel comfortable being “ourselves” when someone else is being it with us.

I do not care for definitions or labels. I do not yearn for a name tag telling the world who I am. Micah Winter is an ever changing, hopefully ever growing, personality. Though I can affirmatively answer some of these pointless view points, there are some questions that I may never have the answer to, and I am not looking for them. The answers that I do possess are mine, and I try fervently to keep them close to me. Most people would be surprised at how wrong I find them, but I have never understood why a political or religious view should keep me from a friend or a relative. There have been times, some which exist in the present, that I have kept myself a total secret from the outside world, if only to preserve relationships with people blinded by their own light and shackled with conviction.

Maya Angelou once said, “Love should liberate, never bind.” I think first we must liberate ourselves.

I will search for me, if you search for you.

I Give Up

I have reached my low point, the very bottom, the place where it is just me. Alone I start to wonder if I could ever truly be alone, if I could ever really seclude myself. Do I own enough of my body to take it away from the world. Do I conduct my body, or am I a pawn? Do I have a say in the goings on in my life, or does the Higher Power direct my life?

I picture myself in this cave in the side of a cliff, overlooking a vast ocean. There is no clear way out, so I sit down. On the cold stone, the humbleness rushes over me. I feel in my gut, the pit of my stomach, the meekness. It is the feeling of a captive, a slave to the light breeze on my cheek. I am at the mercy of such a great span of water. A great span that I cannot manage, I cannot control. There in the stillness. I must be silent, I must drink in the knowledge that I am nothing, yet I am valuable. I am not God. I breathe in the ocean air and I wonder. And I whisper three words, “I give up.”

Chassé

I watch your feet move to and fro

Where you move, there I will go

Serendipity be a lie

Left to fate this runs awry

Practice perfect, that I did

Knew it since I was a kid

Yet now I'm here and less prepared

I see your face and you look scared

My heart is bruised with every beat

By critics seated in their seats

I catch your eye, and slow down

Pirouette and turn around

Through the air I see you dive

I leap on four and land on five

Pleading for you just to stay

Pursuing you with each plie

But clearly you were meant to be

Unlimited, completely free

So, I bow from the dance

That was once our sweet romance

Develop

I am but a child

Spiritually young and growing

I am nothing wild

Yet I go not knowing

Who I am

I am an autumn leaf

Matured, and not so binding

I am safe and cautious

Tripped and now I'm finding

Who I am

I am but a shadow

Trailing someone kind

I am quite determined

Hoping just to find

Who I am

I am what is now

Pulsing through the present

I am permanent

The teacher and the student

I am individual

Steadfast in that way

I am individual

And I am here to say

Who I am

Fervent and a Hot Type Feeling

Our breathing in tandem

Your heart is in mine

Inhabiting what is all of me

Dragging me from insignificance

You are MY God

Show me your brilliance

Begging for my solid ground

Helplessly I doubt veracity

Selfishly lying with insanity

My promises fall short

But your love is long

Who I am is questionable

But who you are is perpetual

Dear Chunky Girl,

I took pride in knowing you

Who you are, and what you do

But I can not be a slave

Refuse oppression, take the grave

Now your actions make you stranger

All your words, filled with anger

Is it my fault I'm not you?

My fault I don't live on cue?

Distance is a dance for two

Where you lose me and I lose you

I feel I was but a flower

Gardened till the day I soured

Yet I can't and won't regret

No limitations you may set

I am me, and you can't take it

I am me, and you won't break it

With love,

Chunky Boy

Golden Face

Glory pushes through the morning

Brilliance from what one's adorning

Purity, not a gilded feature

Affirmation for our future

I wonder if you bless the day

This tell of your wishful way

All before the dry of dew

Surely this, God gave to you

A grant for you like no other

Sent so you may wage the weather

With this notion you wipe clean

The slate of all that's yet unseen

Hoping for the greener pastures

Hopeful you will be enraptured

Clear to me, is your yearning

For you smile in the morning

Costly Exteriors

I respect your weaknesses
Because I am but glass
Vulnerability is reality
The past is the past

Don't let my needs hold you
I know you have a truth to tell
Sensitivity is a handicap
Let out your bell, and yell

Don't display less than confidence
Less than you is fruitless
Don't feed me with my hopes
I fell for your naturalness

There are no facades that lock me
Dig up broken shards
Place them on a pedestal
I love you 'cause you're scarred

I Can Hear Your Smile

I can hear your smile
Lift above the crowd
Mingle in the rafters
An effervescent cloud

Though I had my back turned
It hit between the ears
Embedded in my memory
Played over year to year

When I turn around
It will just get louder
Pressing on my abdomen
And growing ever prouder


It will make me sick with lust
My eyes will fish for yours
Connect with me and there we are
Liberated by closed doors

My "first love"

Our time is over, our love is a memory. A sweet memory, filled with the aroma of your black hair and the cologne I put on especially for you, as distant to me as the summer nights that housed them.

Critics will say that this was merely my "first love." I will be expected to move on quickly, after an "understandable" bout with depression. It will be my duty to be blase about our time together. My duty to remember the sour finish and not the nectar of the first touch. Every kind word, all of the the prolonged glances, the sweaty hands held too tight, will be memories. Memories that are expected to fade with time. Moments in time, once being remembered for safe keeping, will no longer reach the ears of our nonexistent family tree, never planted.

But, how can I smother and stuff all of these emotional recounts away into the category of "first love." When I love, is it not for a life time? Or was I not loving quite hard enough?

No. No, damn it all. My love is real love. My love was taught to me through sturdy grandparents, brought to fruitation through intellect that matched my own, and a wit to surpass me.

My love is sturdy foundation, meant to build upon itself the feeling of acceptance and a mutual respect.

This wasn't my love, though, it was OURS.

I planted the bud, and you watered it. We stood and watched it bloom together.

Who decides what love last?

Ours was just as solid as those I witness at the alter, and we just as scared.

Out union wasn't nasty, at least not more that love should be.

Our love didn't boast, at least not louder than the others.

The lips of our love sang a melody that we danced the harmony too, all into the haze of a Mississippi night.

I was always uncertain, even if you, with out fail, stepped onto the ledge with me. Uncertainty must be a key ingredient in love, for with out it our souls grow into comfort and contempt.

Yet still, with all the unforeboding and ambiguous plans, we aren't loving any more.

My first love.

Aching for Validation

I have often felt that I was the best at something, that I was better than others at the fine arts or perhaps swam faster...or that I had the broadest thoughts.

There have been times in my life where I knew, with out a thread of doubt, that I was born for greatness.

But consistently, with an unfailing persistence that surely is possessed solely by God himself, the grim feeling of worthlessness will grow in me.

This feeling is brought on by myself, but projected through a mirror and is not merely limited to the feminine.

Boundless, this feeling seeps through us all. It grows in business men, it prospers in the powerful, especially in the beautiful.

The feeling is mental, the repercussions, physical.

It's a feeling that is materialized in a drunken haze and ruins our perception of what is reality.

My biggest enemy in my life is the facade of the mirror. It's depictions are reality, but through my eyes the image is twisted. My brain processes my body and then shows me what I thought I would see all along. By the time it reaches the home of my self-esteem, my heart, it is a different picture all together.

I am fat.

Whether it is the truth or not, it will ALWAYS be what I see.

Body image is a war of emotions, fought between self-worth and emptiness.

It is a futile battle. There is no clear winner in the war between a spirit and a body. The image that we have our sights on is seemingly unattainable, mostly because it probably is.

This society looks in mirrors, not to see themselves, but in a hope to see Seventeen Magazine, in a desperation to see Vogue.

Inner beauty is pushed aside and labeled as valueless, while we all strive toward a superficial mediocrity that will only lead us to pining for reassurance, aching for validation.

The tears that I cry are cried by everyone at some point. And once that is understood, there is a a weapon added to the fight. An alliance of the self-inflicted sufferers, power in numbers.

Micah.

I had a moment today.

One of those "shimmering shards of self-assurance" moments.

I stopped to save a small turtle in the road that I was very close to killing. I named the turtle MICAH. It was riding the center of the road, very close to one side but still at the point where one could argue that it was in both lanes simultaneously. I worried about the turtle and moved him into the grass, but I wonder if that's where he was going, and if I did him a disservice by putting him there. Though, there really is no way of knowing, he was barely moving...if he was moving at all.

I bestowed upon him my name. I often feel as though I am in-between two lanes of traffic, a dangerous situation. It would undoubtedly take ages to get to one side of the road that I'm on, and I fear stepping all the way in one lane would mean disaster. But I would starve my spirit by riding the middle.

There is nothing more dangerous than safety.

You can't have me

You can't give me what I need

Tried so hard, but you can't lead

I your vessel of despair

Will break free, I'll leave you there

You pour in me all your pain

But I will not go insane

Let this tiger out it's cage

There are little words to say

Boundless, I'll be free again

Through with paying for your sin

Observation From the Sidelines

I once knew a girl who lived

Expressions on a horn she'd blow

Expressions that the world would know

Followed where her heart would go

I once knew a girl who lived

Brash, erratic, like the sea

Dangerous, but scared of thee

She gave all her love to me

I once knew a girl who lived

We grabbed hands and held them tight

Valiantly battled through our plight

But she was lured into the night

I once knew a girl who lived

Who's laughter was infectious

Who's smile was contagious

Lost to the outrageous

I once knew a girl who lived

Who wouldn't ever know it

Who tried her best to love it

Who tried her best to show it

Ode to her bright sorrow.

My dear.

I will hold your picture frame

Even when you're gone

Though my heart won't be the same

We have reached our dawn

Your face will look and gleam at me

And I might shed a tear

For through your face my eyes did see

And look past all my fear

I'll hang you on my wall, my dear

So all the people know

That once love made my mind think clear

Through your face and glow

It passes.

I knew a girl who'd stand in rain

To rid herself of all her pain

From her face the tears would roll

Combined with rain to clean her soul

She could smile with delight

Shield herself, lose her sight

But she will pick it up tomorrow

And she will hold on to her sorrow

She'll put it back within it's place

Lock with-in her, her disgrace

Futile Efforts to Undermine

You may push against me now

Know you're but resistance

An eagle with one wing

You fall

Futile

I will soar above you

Shant neva hit no wall

Lifted above situation

Know I am the tall

You can't push me down

AH ha

You are but resistance

Let me give you some assurance

Though you're but a nuisance

Stop!

Fly in my coffee

Grain in my eye

Learn to speak

And not to lie

From these social wounds

You die

Yet I keep living

By and by

The ground you hit will be reality

Stand up!

And grab your sanity

Surely you will go the distance

Surpassing all this world's resistance

And I sigh.

Let me be who I be

And not who I’m surrounded by

Are you lame, or can’t you see

That I refuse to breathe a lie

I’ll defy

I choose not to live to die

I’m the guy

Who can fly

At least the one that will try

Let me be who I be

And you won’t ever ask me why

Leave me so my mind is free

You don’t have to say goodbye

You may cry

And that’s the very reason why

I’ll deny

Reach the sky

Break free of all that you did tie

Purification

You are my imagination

But I'm caught in love's gestation

Who pushed this into creation

And is it a legit sensation

You are the object of my temptation

You have caused inward mutation

Throwing me into frustration

I reach out from that damnation

Holding on to my salvation

I will pull a full rotation

Magically cause your deflation

And I'll live through love's duration

I will rid myself of your fixation

Hideaway my heart's location

To hold against cultivation

You were not my aspiration

So I run with desperation

All for my own conservation

Bitterness

Come away with me you fool

I'll be your oasis

From the hot I give you cool

Take rest in me, don't be a tool

Cuz' I offer you bliss

You really don't know your needs

I can understand you

In you I will sow my seeds

I know that you will hear my pleads

And you will love me too

Your love is so valuable

And I will pay the price

My whole self is maluable

Though this makes hearts vunerable

I don't even think twice

You have come for me at last

But I feel I'm nervous

You're spell over me has cast

You have forgotten what was our past

I am but your service

You will leave me in the dust

Knee deep in this regret

"Please don't leave," you say you must

Was this love or just simply lust

I've loved you since we met

I, your's from the very start

Put my heart on the line

Gave myself, I gave my heart

In my life you have played your part

But you were never mine

NO MORE HASTE.

Let's take some time

And rewind

Slow it down

Take off my frown

The sky bends low

With me in toe

To chase it

To face it

Hurried days

Stressed out ways

Push me deep

Low I steep

Night, it falls

Trapped by walls

Push to learn

But yet to yearn

For sun to shine

A breeze in line

And time to waste

No more Haste

Savor and taste

This time to waste

NO MORE HASTE.

stop.

breathe.

Feed me with music, I will live for a life time

Play to me, and only me

I breathe you in, open I take you

Give me one or play me three

My eyes are closed, but I can see

I fade away in the silence

Feed me with music, forever

Each note has been my guidance

And I, not the same since

I move with your expressions

Let ring your sad accents

These, your musical confessions

Cleaning all of your transgressions

Gliding Across Still Waters

I hold two lilies in my grasp

Both attract with sweet aroma

To keep the two would be my lapse

Yet love lulls me into a coma

I, immobilized by near rejection

Forget about the ones I hold

They, fooled by my deception

Time grows hot and I go cold

In haste, I decide your fate

I second guess my selection

Though I shouldn't let you wait

You still both have all of my affection

To the one I do not choose

My memory will go on fading

There's not a thing that you will lose

When I leave the water we've been wading

I set you into seas of open

I watch as your heart saunters

Release you to feel real emotion

You glide across still waters

The Art of Loving

I am but a seed

Freshly planted in the soil

Give me what I need

And never will I spoil

I'll be devoted, I'll be loyal

I am but a seed

I've been planted in your heart

Hoping this shall lead

To the learning of our part

As lovers and as art

I am but a seed

Take my hand and I'll grow

Bud, blossom, and bead

My vibrance will I show

And the world will finally know

Driftin'

I dreamt that I was free from judgments

Free from time, and free from me

Free to make all of my adjustments

Free to linger, free to see

I dreamt that I was off from danger

Closed my eyes and leapt to shelter

I am my own, I am a stranger

Freed from all my helter- skelter

I dreamt that I now lay awake

Filled with hurt and rolling tears

No medicines that I can take

Lay in wait, with all my fears

Releasing it.

I hate it when I remember

That feeling that's so familiar

I hate it when I see your face

And think of all of my disgrace

I hate it when I see your car

And feel the pain that is my scar

I hate it that you went away

And that I couldn't ever make you stay

I hate it that I gave my heart

Why'd I ever let it start

I hate it when I hate what's me

I hate it worse when you can see

I am my decision.

A sweet, intense longing spouts out from within me.

Pushing towards a purpose, and pouring to my validation.

It trickles down, hitting the ground, and I crumble to it.

Falling in the out pouring of mine own self. I am consumed. I am submerged in my own sense of destitution.

Drowning in a sense of emptiness, I am wet with broken promise and soaked in unfulfilled dreams.

I am my own hatred and my own discontent.

I lay immersed in myself, and I am longing.

I am wishing.

I am my memories.

I am mine own deprecation.

Validation Through Representation

Let your heart sing

Let the expression of your soul ring out

Let it resound into the spaces of reality

Let it be heard

Let it travel to deaf ears

Let it be understood and realized

Let your heart sing out

Let it be valuable

Bury Basket

I wish I had a basket

For my troubles, that I'd carry

I'd relieve them from my mind

So happy wouldn't tarry

And if troubles are all gone

Then you know I wouldn't worry

I'd have clarity of life

And my eye's would never blurry

But what if it get's full

And really rather heavy

Because I worry quite a lot

And my troubles, there are many

Well I'd drop it in the river

Have my troubles scat and scurry

I'd never ever trouble

And I'd never ever worry

Full Moon Song

Our love is like that of a moon

Filled to brim, and shining soon

I burst at the seams, and glow with light

Could exuding love not be right?

I the beacon, I your sight

I know you'll find me, through the night

I'll wait for you into day

I pray that you will find the way

I know for certain you'll hear my tune

For it's the cry of the full moon

Shards of Truth

I am your mirror

I am your pain

Once your accuser

Now the same

Rock in hand

Your glass will shatter

So will mine

So it won't matter

I'll walk away

Fade away

Let it fall

Where it may

With No Rain in Sight

Is it raining everywhere BUT here
Is the cool rush hitting you
Washing your face clean
Making your chest cold
And warming the inner layer of your skin

While I’m stuck under this pushed security
A boundary of sunlight
Where hopes are dry and thirsty
And happiness is scorched by disorientation
The place of barren dreams

Or, is it coming
Is the rain flying towards me
Are the clouds glooming over me now
Is the passion I’ve lost falling, finding me
Will I be soaking it up soon
Will I be soaked

September 21, 2009...Micah Winter

....

I can smell it

Regret and a negative disposition

I can smell it

Loneliness and yearning

I can smell it

Now is drifting away...hopefully.

I’ll retire in a sleepy state

And Wake again another day

Tomorrow is a cleaner slate

Pack my bags and drift away

Another world is chasing me

And I can’t keep it at bay

My eyes will close so I can see

The bringings of a different day

Dawn will rise behind a cloud

Pushing back my disarray

Stripping back my fearful shroud

Painting over shades of grey

Patiently I sit in waiting

For the tears to roll away

Until that time, I’ll go on hating

This state of sorrow, Where I lay

The incomparable Jessye Norman:

"To live artfully is, to me, the whole purpose of life's journey. For you all know that creativity, artful living, equal[s] self knowledge. This knowledge can lead to wisdom, and wisdom to the understanding of others, and this understanding undoubtedly leads to tolerance. Tolerance and compassion for those around us, and those oceans away, who after all possess the same depth of spirit as we. And in this modern society Art may be the only source that invites this model for living. 'Movers and shakers of the world' indeed. Let's all try it. Art brings us together as a family because it is an individual expression of universal human experience. We have so much more in common than we acknowledge. Expressions through Art come from that part of us that is without fear, prejudice, malice, or any of the other things that we create in order to separate ourselves one from the other. Art makes us whole by existing, by insisting that we use all of our senses- our heads and our hearts. That we express with our voices, our hands, our bodies, as well as with our minds. We are all the better for Art being a part of our lives."- Jessye Norman

Heart Start

Dropped to darkness

It’s pushed away

Swept up in guilt

And hid from day

Drowned in shame

And there to stay

I dressed my bed

And here I lay

But in the night

My dreams are new

The morning burst

With morning dew

The skies roll back

With seas of blue

The dawn, it breaks

And shows me you