Monday, February 27, 2012

I Can't Make You Love Me

I went for a jog here recently. Running in the neighborhood nearest to my house, I inevitably came to that dead end where we used to park. It's an odd sort of feeling, standing all alone, especially in a place where we spent so much time together. The weather was so muggy then. We would stand under those stars until both of us were drenched in sweat. Now the air has grown cold and bitter. The stars are still here, but tonight I stand under them alone.
Planted firmly on the outside, I look down this small broken stretch of road. I replay every moment safely until the air is soaked with the scent of your hair. In a frenzy I take off, sprinting to the end of the lane. My feet dreadfully linger in every stride towards the middle of the road. When I reach the end, I feel it. That same feeling of loss that I have experienced at funerals, the same feeling you get when you bury a pet. It is as if our love has experienced a physical death and I am succumbing to the pain of it's absence.
Turning around, I make my second jog down the dead end. I used to think of this as a pit stop for us. I was certain that we would recount those days to grandchildren. With every step, my eyes fog up through sour tears. The memories of you and us form a pool that I can not swim in. I stop towards the center and gasp for air. Yet still, the only thing I breathe in is the smell of hair conditioner, and all our broken promises.

Friday, February 24, 2012

Eternally Internal

Memories make me ill
Once recorded with a pair
Bitterly loom in me still
Serve to remind me you aren't there
Makes me sick that you don't care

Wasn't really perfect then
Done some growing since you went
Often wonder how you've been
Getting letters that I sent
Promise that I won't give in

Someday there is you and I
No matter where in life you've been
To your heart, there I will fly
Ask you for my love again
Give it to you by and by

Thursday, February 23, 2012

I was bad at loving you.

I see you in greener grass
Smiling with a different man
Dreadfully wishing you to hurt
Hoping just to see my pain
Reinvented on your face
Praying that I made a stain

Once a lighthouse in the fog
Your smile now becomes a poison
Catch a glimpse into your eyes
Realize that you always knew
Not that we just didn't work
But I was bad at loving you

Tuesday, February 21, 2012

Past Participating

You're a distant memory
Embedded in my attractions
Remember you in another's face
But not all your infractions

I never put your smile down
Hand imprinted in my own
Aimlessly I search for you
All the love that had been sown

You'll remain with me forever
Translated in a future flame
Yet, no matter all the joy they give
Love won't ever be the same

Saturday, February 18, 2012

I am me and we aren't we

I ain't ever belong to you
Independence is what I do
Free fallin, through the skies of blue
Let go of all ya put me through
A cancer only holds on tighter
Every time yo up to bite her
Ignorant that I'm a fighter
Reassure you I won't die here
Every breath to push me down
Draws in water as you drown
Recognize I'm not around
Just before you hit the ground
Oh, boy you hear that sound
It's the new one I just found
Laughin at you while you down
Come on baby show yo frown
Bet you think that I'm crazy
I don't beg and call you baby
Thought you were my leading lady
But yo words are too shade
Fool! What'd you think would come to prosper
Pushin feelings I'd never foster
Suffocating all of me
Tried to blind but I can see
That I am me and we aren't we

Tuesday, February 7, 2012

Thirst and Recieve

A portion of your heart
Fell to my possession
It will not return to you
For fear of soul regression

Burying it deep beneath the soil
Place your love out of security
We weren't meant to tape together
But grow into maturity

I water you with every fight
Nurture you through tear swarmed eyes
Relationships aren't rights and wrongs
They're built upon soul compromise

Once you're standing, straight and sturdy
I will leave you to the breeze
I have taught you, not to abstain
But how to love with ease

Sunday, February 5, 2012

I Miss You

You're a figment of my past
Recreated quite half-hazardly
Distorted reflections, they've been cast
To refresh old reality

There are times, through the haze
The ripple on the surface stops
Sadly, after I appraise
You're an empty, worthless box