Sunday, March 25, 2012

Shallow breathing.

There was a chill out, just cold enough where my heavy breaths were being carried in a smoky wind around me. I had left the partiers inside, as not to damage the reckless out of body experiences they seemed so desperate for. Standing near the middle of the road, my car sat near me with no destination. Left alone in the piercing silence of the air, my sudden loneliness fell with panic in my heart. Quickly I pulled out my phone, with not a name to call, my breath began to shallow. In desperation, I looked to the sky but there were no stars. There was no God tonight. On a planet of a billion people, I was one. I was a single, insignificant compilation of DNA, soulless. I held my hand in front of me and questioned it's existence, with my own. If no one knows me, who am I. Only the shiver vibrating in my abdomen, thought to be caused by the weather, would validate any sort of reality. If, affected by the world, I shudder; I must be present with in it. For a brief moment, I feel that my legs might buckle underneath me. In that instant, a fighter is born and I sense my feet begin to move. Quicker than I would have imagined, the houses around me become blurs of dark greys, every turn becoming a shadow in my mind. As I futilely pound achy steps into the ground, the wind cuts into my eyes. Tears run in every direction across my face, soaking the collar of my shirt. Blinded by a sea of my own despair, I abruptly stop running. My destination is a hill looking over several houses, so close it would seem the residents struggled to breathe. Forsaken tricycles and dolls sat discarded, and uncared for across the span of many front lawns with barely definable territories between them. It struck me, suddenly, how much I enjoyed riding a bike when I was younger. It had taken me so long to learn what now seemed to be such an easy task, and I would ride my bike for hours. Cool relief poured over my hot, wet face, as I remembered how much I adored the spring air slapping me as I rode up and down my childhood. Taking advantage of my new sanity, I decided to trace my steps backwards.

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