Feeling Liberated

No, I don't want to lose my mind tonight.
 It takes years but I learn to justify
 chemical confusions, delusions. I fight
back, but I'm losing. A medical missed connection,
confession. I haven't learned a lesson.
No, I can't be sober right now.
I could, but these thoughts are loud
screaming, seething. You don't ask me
how I'm feeling? Stay caffeinated, agitated.
I miss feeling liberated.

I reread your letter today.

"Keep up the good work-
-you really should publish."
But I've been working all night
and my body gets reckless.
As I spit towards the sky,
not understanding my successes,
I wish someone would stop me
and tell me I'm above this.
But I suffer below it,
and the evidence I dismiss.
I wish the Bible had been a guide
to actual bliss.
Instead lying and trying
just to convince,
I wish it had been about love,
I got nothing to fix.

Monday.

Nathan
I could scream to infinity
Sex, musk, and especially femininity
Your kiss is proof of the art of serendipity
And, when the mood is right and the mood has struck
As I move down your back and try my luck
I'm as masculine as I need to be
when it's time to f-

Casual

Could you be my everything?
Everything is everything.
Samson met Delilah
when it was still in the month of Spring.
All I want is happiness.
Is there a roll for me to play?
After relinquishing my manliness,
can I still afford my price to pay?
For love and its excess. Monogamy and all its stress?
It's okay these hips move side to side,
the hands still have the power to caress

What am I Asking For?

Nothing last
forever. What is
your idea
of happiness? I don't understand
how you don't see
that powerful hand grabbing
as it ticks towards
this bed. It is temporary,
this flesh. Yet, my memory holds
steadfast. My anxiety is
expecting your absence.
I am the cause,
         fearful of the effect.