Collin Sees the World

"Daddy, look its the moon." , Collin.
"Yeah Collin, it's the moon.", Brett.
"Can we go there?", Collin.
"I don't think so buddy, it's 238,000 miles away", Brett.
"...let's take the car!", Collin.

Another Year Older, Another Year Wiser

It is true. With each year, we grow.

We learn. We learn what it means to be alive. Some think that we are growing into adulthood. To me, this implies something. This implies that we are measured on a maturity level, based on how many years we are old.

If this be so, than with every birth date that comes around, we are that much closer to "adulthood", we are that much closer to becoming the chaperon, the responsible one, the leader.

But shouldn't your growth be measured on experiences?

How you handled those experiences, what they taught you, how you implemented those things you have learned?

Aren't qualities such as loyalty, leadership, perseverance, acceptance, and respect, character traits for people of all ages?

I am an adult, not because I have reached the brink of my years as a teen, but because of the wisdom I have gathered while surviving those years.

I should be held accountable for my actions, not because I am of a legal age, but because I am of a sound mind.

Perfection in no way comes in your life time, adult and child alike.

You will make mistakes, learning from them is key.

Remember your neighbor before yourself, not because you'll feel good afterwards, but because you know if you were in there shoes, you would want assistants.

Embrace unlikeminded people. No one thinks exactly like you, no one.

Finally, when you stumble and fall, realize what you tripped on and vow never to let it happen again.

Everyone falls, a true leader knows that.

Autumn Chorus

As the leaves roll by

They steal my heart

As the leaves roll by

My mind trails away

Simplicity grabs me

As the leaves roll by

Making me breathe

Making me breathe

As the leaves roll by

I am captured by true colors

Colors of the world

As the leaves roll by

They hold me in warmth

Calm and safe

As the leaves roll by

I hear their melodies of fall

As the leaves roll by

They sing peace to me

Never Alone

This is what it means to be

To live and breathe

To catch an eye and a sly grin

To push your feet in the water

To let the rain smash your tears away

To cry

To know why you cry

To sob and be held by someone who understands you

This is what it means to be

To look in the mirror with admiration

To flush away your deprecation

To flutter at the sight of a name

To have your name fluttered over

To nap, and dream

To see places crafted with holy hands

This is what it means to be

To make another's load lighter

To laugh until you ache with humor

To sing low jazz in the shower

To take long, slow autumn walks

To sip something warm and gaze at the stars

To realize how much of the universe goes on with out you

To release your stress and cares

To jump from some ridiculous height

This is what it means to be

To pray to your creator

To feel His protection cover you

To read of his comforting word

To know you're never alone

To walk broadly into a bright unknown future

To know you're never alone

Don't Wanna Want It

Every time I run away

Your memory remains with me

I can't erase you from my life

You're here for all the world to see

Won't you fade away with pain

Release my heart and let me be

Drenched with shame and fruitless dreams

To think I handed you the key

I let you steal away my joy

Drained of all that made me free

Never will it ever be

That I love you, and you love me

The Only Home I Know

The odor of sweat and urine coming off of my costume was unbearable. I was wearing an authentic Union Soldier’s uniform, donated to the theatre by the local chapter of the Son’s of the Confederacy. The costume itself weighed about forty pounds, not including the Civil War era rifle hanging over my shoulder. The air in the theatre was good, but it was no match for the pounds of wool I was sporting. Though the costume and the microphone taped down my spine, made for an uncomfortable working condition, it wasn’t all that was bothering me. This might be the last time I perform with my twin brother, my driving force for the last eighteen years.

The musical Shenandoah is set during the American Civil War, and portrays the war as a horrible affair that pinned father against son, and brother against brother. In the second Act, there’s a moment where a young Confederate Corporal sings “The Only Home I Know”. In the song, the soldier yearns for the home he left behind, but heartbreakingly realizes that it will never be the same. At this point the war is over, and he has lost more than just the war, he’s lost everything.

I have always been number five of six kids, and number one of a set of twins. As a kid I learned to talk as fast and as loud as I could, in order to get my point across. There was a constant strive for affection, and mindset of perpetual competition. The act of being noticed was especially hard for me, having a person that was exactly like me. My twin brother, David, and I have always been fused together, whether we liked it or not. And at times it felt like we were one single person, with two separate heads.

No one has ever commented on just how tall I was, or just complimented the way I looked. David and I have the same curled blonde hair, the same wide, defined jaw bone, even the same caterpillar eye brows. It is nearly impossible to be considered individuals, when you are genetically the same. Our resemblance goes past the superficial surface, and follows us deep into our mannerisms, even our laugh is identical.

When we were alone in our back yard, we would pretend to be other people. The two of us could play for hours; we got along better when we were two separate characters. We would climb up into our clubhouse, and David would declare he was the Blue Power Ranger. Then, in an effort to outdo him, I would exclaim that I was the Red Ranger, the leader of all Rangers.

It has never been about who was the best, between me and David, it has always been about who people thought was the best. We started singing at a young age, purely for the competition of seeing who was the loudest. We would do anything, and everything, just to one up one another.

And though I was always trying to distance myself from him, in the back of my mind I always felt discomfort without him. He was my crutch, walking without him was nearly impossible. I needed to beat him, but I needed him to be there when I did it.

The musical Shenandoah was a challenge, because we did not beat each other. They made the Corporal’s song a duet; we were to sing it together as brothers. The brothers in the show would represent two different sides of the war, trying to support their cause and each other. Though this should have been a realization that we were in fact equals, I knew in the back of my mind it was just another fight to see who would reach the top. I would have to strive to out shine him, and not end up the one hidden beneath the other’s shadow.

Although singing with David was second nature, and I have been doing it since I was in the first grade, this time would be different. This would most likely be my last time to perform with him. With me going to the University of Mississippi in the fall, and David going to Memphis, my time with him was coming to an end. There would not be an opportunity like this for us again. Though I would love to say that I would be happy on my own, I am not quite certain that is true.

Until my senior year of high school, I had never spent more than a weekend alone. David was by my side, literally, for almost every day of my whole entire life. A part of me was more than ready to let that go. I had an understandable desire to make my own decisions, without considering another person, and what they wanted. I had to find my own voice in the world, and prove that I was an individual, and not just half of a whole. Breaking apart from David was a necessity to my survival, otherwise I would inevitably suffocate. But, even though I knew I had to, leaving David behind would still be the hardest thing I had ever done.

“The Only Home I Know” spoke to me. It was about losing home, and not finding another one like it. To me, David was home personified. He was everything I would lose by leaving. I do not want him to change while I’m gone; I want home to be the way it was. He has always completely understood who I was, and I can’t fathom that changing. I can’t fathom him changing.

The stage itself juts out into a curve in front of the rows of seating. The theatre is completely black, with the exception of one single spotlight in the center of the platform. I stare out amongst the audience, from the back of the theatre, where I enter. David gradually eases into the single spotlight, center stage.

As I sit in the darkness, I’m over taken with the thought of loneliness. I have never been alone. I have never been without my security blanket. If I walk down to that stage, it will be the end of an era. It will be the end of the saga of Micah and David. This ending will give birth to a new chapter in my life, a chapter I have to write on my own, with all of my own thoughts and feelings.

I start my slow descent onto life’s stage, once again. I look up into David’s eyes, my eyes, and I sing. “The willow that I used to climb, may bend a little more, the paint may all be peelin’ off the front porch and the door. No matter where I’m headed back or whistling as I go, please let it be the way it was, the only home I know!” And with my final note, I felt the extraction I had dreaded from the womb we had shared our entire lives.

Standing at the edge of the stage, I look to my twin, and I see him in a new light. He is different; he is not a second head or an attachment. He’s his own independent human being. Looking at his face, I am not struck by a reflection, but I know that the change I see in him, matches the change that I feel. The light on my face is the sunlight stretching from a new day, my own path I must take.

We were always compared, because we were always comparable. David and I were in the same spotlight, giving the same show. Now we would break ground in different fields of life. And though I will pray for his success, I must worry about myself from here on out. The days which required him are over, if I don’t need him, I know he doesn’t need me.

I'll play piano...if you sing soprano!

So what if I fade away

As long as I lived for today

And didn't care about tomorrows

Or worry about my sorrows

The future is a bright one dear

But it's outcome is unclear

So dance until the evening

Feel the rhythm beating

Money can't buy happiness

My finances are a mess

I'll gift you with a song

You can sing along

Let's enjoy the present time

You won't even spend a dime

Open up, and show your eyes

See what closing them denies

There's a world of people living

People taking, but people giving

It's a personal choice to make

In this world of give and take

"Let me share, every moment, every sweet surprise..."